Sketchiness, missing ball and 2 of 3

Stratford, NJ - December 28, 2005

It was suspect right from the beginning. The Cats rolled in with a substitute bowler as Adomo Dipena was at some ice sculpture stuff in Florida (don't ask). Double D's a find bowler with a 180 average stepped up and produced. "The word ringer comes to mind," said Smurph Dogg. League bylaws clearly state that "during position play (this week) you may have a sub, only if the individual has bowled a total of 9 game in league play. Double D had rolled roughly 0 games. However, we were sketchy and simply played him as DP. Cheating, yes. Dishonorable, yes. Crafty and shrewd, defininatly.

He rolled a 210 in the third game to seal the victory for the cats. R. Base commented after the game "Dipena couldn't hold Double D's garter belt." Not sure exactly what that means, but I believe he was suggesting Dipena's position as the number 2 slot bowler is in jeopardy. For all you scoring at home, that is not the case.

Joey B. Left his ball and shoes in the Vibe last week and was forced to use Laura instead of Salmya. "I felt naked and lost in a bowling ally, without her."

Big ups going out to R. Base in the first rolling a 192. Cats dropped the second due to a poor first five frames. One the third in a squeaker.

This is Stephen Colbert reporting, saying stay classy Stratford.

Testing out Picasa- stick with me

 

Oh, how I miss Brazil

New Year's Eve Plans

Getting fired up about the New Year. I was able to talk most people out of the "going to NYC, paying 11.50 for a light beer, and having no fun thing."

Instead I am suggesting Ghetto Night (which has been seconded by Adomo's girlfriend, the talented Malony). The premise is that everyone dress up as a gangster. While not particularly original, I think it will be good times with 40's, choice scooby snack, bandannas and games. I have been checking out corny games on the internet. One I liked was purchasing 20 different chocolate bars, chopping them up and putting them in the microwave briefly, and trying to guess which is which. Winner gets... Chocolate bars. I will call it the Willy Wonka Game.

The next day we plan on rocking the Mummers Parade. I have never been and am psyched.

Shindig in Philly

Went to a cocktail party in Old City last night. Review: lousy guests, decent food, had the most fun playing with the kid.

It was her first time at a party in the city, so she got all dressed up and Mom even let her wear her Mary Kate and Ashley eye shadow (which I was against, as she is not usually allowed to rock it outside of the house, due to her biological age of 7, where she is actually going on 35).

We played a classic game my Dad and I used to play in the airport called, make up a story about someone's life. The kid had a couple good ones. One guy was a doctor who game medicine to his patient that actually killed them. Another was an emperor of Paris. When I inquired about the emperor of Paris, she assured me that they had one.

Anyway, she was a hit, I told some lame ass jokes that got a couple guffaws. Big night out for the fam on a Tues. (Don't call DYFS just yet, the kid is off for vacation.)

Back to work humor

The title is the jumper-found it on comedy centrals improv comedy section.

Expensive in more ways than one

The War in Iraq Costs - as of 12/27/05 at 12:12 pm
$229,474,174,150

Quote of the week

Madness is rare in individuals - but in groups, political parties, nations, and eras it's the rule. ~Friedrich Nietzsche, Beyond Good and Evil, 1886

--Appears I have survived that madness of the holidays. I did an adequate job of not being sucked dry by consumerism, and was even able to chill and watch two movies. March of the Penguins was pretty amazing. 4.25 penguins out of 5. Phenomenal animals. Also saw 40 year old virgin. Laughed twice, and was blown away by how much dumber I was after the movie. 1 penis out of five.

No fist fights at dinner, but your average amount of unhappiness. The little lady made an amazing ginger snap encrusted ham kicked ass.

The highlight for me was taking the kid and her cousin to the park, to ride around the lake on their electric scooters. The kid insisted on saying Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to everyone she passed, including those with head phones on. Very cute.

Very interesting Convo this morning

Caught part of the Barbara Walters deal on heaven last night. The title was Heaven, where is it, how do I get there? Had a variety of perspectives from Atheists to devout Buddhists. One of the most interesting things was the discussion of near death experiences. We have all heard the white light stories, but I was unaware of the scientific perspective. One theory is that these experiences are essentially hallucinations, because as the brain is dieing neurons fire at a rapid rate. This makes sense to me as I solved all the worlds problems in Amsterdam. Just wish I could remember what it was.

That led to this mornings cubicle chat about religion. It was between an atheist a devout protestant, and myself. Here is what I currently believe about religion. I wish I believed in heaven. It is a lot more comforting than simply being worm and tree food. But as a man of science and exploration I see no proof, and refuse to be deceived by stories. I believe that being kind, compassionate and giving is essential to happiness. My goal is to live the most peaceful and happy life, while still being proactive in fighting against injustice and evil. My goal is also to make peace with the path I have chosen, avoid becoming jaded, not become corrupted, and take in all the wonder and beauty life has to offer.

These are no easy tasks. How does one soak in beauty and wonder and be aware and proactive in reference to evil. I think I am going to attempt to smile while speaking against the current regime in this country.

Check out my Aunt doing her thing in Cali

Jane Bolduc (last name is French) is my Aunt and an incredible performer. Her voice has been compared to a prarie tornado, and she has even opened for Bonnie Rait!!! (Ok, I may have made up that part). She will be playing a Christmas Gig on the 23rd, that even us Eastern folk can listen to online. She may even play some of her original music that is filled with beautiful range and intelligent lyrics. Look for In My Minds Eye, Missionary, Emotional Kamakazi and Shooting Star Accross my Heart. Check out her site.http://artists.iuma.com/IUMA/Bands/Jane_Bolduc/

And the fun to come...


THIS JUST IN ... to kick-off the holiday weekend, I'll be performing
this Friday, December 23rd in a writers-in-the-round with some wonderful songwriters
and dear friends Mark Islam, Mare Lennon and Robin Pearl at 8pm
at Kulak's Woodshed, 5230 1/2 Laurel Canyon Blvd at Magnolia in North Hollywood.
It will be a wonderful winter's night ... hope you can join us!
Of course, if you can't make it in person, feel free to connect to the LIVE Webcast
of the show at http://www.kulakswoodshed.com/webcast.shtml at 8pm Pacific Time.
You can even e-mail the performers from that web page!

Sending you all the love and light of this holiday season.
Peace on Earth!

...It was the worst of times.

December 14, 2005-
Stratford, NJ
by Nelly Rosa

A day that will live in infamy. Better known as the day the wheels came off the streak train for the Thundercats.

Seno Murpho stated: "I felt like I got hit with a bomb... a big bomb, right in the dome piece. " While that may be a over reaction, it certainly wasn't fun.

The Cats got going to their typically suck ass start. However there would be no rallying today, as the "we bowl knee deep" team brought their A game. The final bowler, "Balled Gangsta" had a 205 average, however he proceeded to bowl every game in the 270 range. He has many a perfect game and made that known as he wiped the lanes with us. Bottom line, cats drop three to a superior team.

Adomo said "F the police, and the PBA!," as he screetched out of the parking lot in his 1977 Iroc Z, or his Vibe, aka the mini SUV (couldn't decide what was more humorous).

I for one would like to blame the loss on computer lane difficulties. We had to switch lanes after I began to get into the groove, boy you've got to prove your love to me. It is also clear that I am not afraid to break into old school Madonna lyrics.

But Rob base said it best, "#1 we didn't bring a single lesbian, #2 we bowled a guy on the Pro Bowlers tour, and #3 there was Zima being drank on the lane. Under these conditions, I think we did pretty well just dropping three and not getting our asses kicked."

Words to live by.

Quote of the Week

Love seems the swiftest but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century. ~Mark Twain


My cousin did it!!! He finally got married after 9 years of dating his fiance. The wedding went better I could have expected. Many said it was the best they ever went to. It was, in my very humble opinion, way to big and expensive (240 people, 50k +). But, everyone from the young to the old seemed to have a blast. So, good luck and Salute!!!

I think my ideal marriage would be either in the country by a river, on a mountain, or by the ocean. I would want 25 people there tops (friends, fam, and of course bartenders to make sure the friends and fam get along) I think the Groomsmen and I would rock black linen, or valure. Most of the money would be spend on music (a kick ass live band), food, and booze. We would do our own vows, and anyone that didn't like our set up could piss off. Dancing would be mandatory, as would games and story telling. Overall the best damn wedding I can envision!!!

Mail in rebates are bull shit

I would love to get a hold of the evil genius that invented the mail in rebate. Just finished purchasing something online, and got sucked into the mail in rebates. After getting all my codes together, filling out the paper work online as well as in paper form, and submitting this info, I realize I put in the wrong zip code. Maybe it was the pressure, maybe the lack of focus. So now I get to call up and spend an hour on hold to let them know I am a looser and put my zip in wrong.

The genius comes in, knowing that most people won't take the time to get all the serial numbers, tracking numbers, postage proof, and rebate proof information together. That is if you don't lose the receipt in the process. There has got to be something illegal about this process and damn it I will find out what it is. (queue evil laugh, goes something like this... a ha ha ha ha ha!)

Quote of the Week

I'll stick with gin. Champagne is just ginger ale that knows somebody. ~M*A*S*H, Hawkeye, "Ceasefire," 1973

My cousin had his bachelor party Sat. Debacle!!! Everything was going smooth, a lovely meal at the Library IV, a van ride to the Tropicana in AC. First to fire waters, then to Hooters, where my cousin was suddenly missing. Found him in the bathroom booting his brains out. He is roughly 150 pounds soaking wet and his friends and I are 235 plus. Looks like he tried to keep up and over rated it. Spent the next several hours force feeding him water (I was delegated responsibility, as I went to college, and evidently have rep as a partyer). About a gallon of water later, and an hour and a half, the obligatory crack head, selling everything from heroin to the kitchen sink, stumbles on in and pisses about two feet from my cousins head before I could stop him. Good times. Ended up calling it a bust and taking the van back home. I figured I saved myself about 60 more dollars and a headache in the morning, if I were to dwell on the positive.

Break out the Brooms Baby!!!

Stratford, NJ-

"I don't know if it was the PBR, Joey B's new Etonic kicks, Brenda the Groupie, Karma, or the Good Lawrd, but those boys bowled their tits off!" Said Billy Bob Sanderson, residential bowling enthusiast.

Unlike, oh the other 19 games, the T Cats came out fired up and never looked back, stomping on the competition like a bunch of wee... I can't think of something small enough. The following are thoughts by each of the T Cats members on the three victories:

Adomo- "Funky Comadina, we did it, take out the checkbook and pay grandma for the rub down!"
R. Base-"I'll tell you one thing, this is definitely not the last lesbian I am inviting to bowling night."
SMurph-"I think I am going to drop out of work and bowl full time, FU Gilbane."
Joey B- "The touch, the feel of Etonic leather, the fabric of our lives. Let it rain!"

The second game more of the same, and the teams highest game total 732. In the 3rd it was tight until the 8 th when the Cats saddled up and did the bull dance to victory.

MBP( most ballin'est player) honors go to Smurph Dogg who nearly bowled a 600 series (his high is a 653). Also, it should be noted that only one game was bellow any of the team averages, a 99 by RB who is a sandbagger.

Most importantly T Cats break the tie for 8th place, and make it to five hundred.

Just remember, if you throw the first ball in the gutter, that is why the Lord gave you two balls.


-Troy McClure reporting for the Springfield Times, out.

Colds Suck

Got a cold yesterday that I am trying to whip before the big bowling match tonight (oh, yeah and I am in the midst of finals). Love the timing of this thing. Got me some Airborne, or rather Airsheild (CVS brand) as it was half the cost. My game plan is to take this stuff and also to will the cold out of me. We shall see.

Jesus 2

Some technical difficulties lets try to post that Jesus picture again.

The Ten Commandments When Dealing with Social Workers

A more accurate picture of what Jesus may have looked like.

-In response to several inappropriate clients, I decided to write this doctrine.
1. Thou shall not yell and scream, this simply irritates us.
2. Thou shall not claim big ticket electronic items are "needs." (ie: plasma T.V.'s)
3. Thou shall be pleased with any assistance we provide.
4. Thou shall remember, we are on your side and do wish you help you if at all possible
5. Thou shall be aware that unlike certain other deities, we can not perform miracles (ie: we don't do water into money.)
6. Thou shall remember we are human, and thus make errors.
7. Thou shall understand that we do have weekends and holidays off.
9. Thou shall also understand that we can not control time, space, red tape.
10. Thou shall remember we don't do this for the money, or we would be in another field.

Weatherperson has car egged by angry second graders

Audubon, NJ

Police report that early this morning 7-10, seven year olds egged a weatherman's Audi. While interviewing the ring leader, it appears the children were angry at false weather reports stating that 6 inches of snow were on the way. One child stated "Its like telling us that Christmas will be tomorrow, and then saying ooops, I made a mistake. Its cruel and unusual, and I think the weatherman should have been arrested. I would also like to give a shout out to Sponge Bob, who happens to live in a pineapple under the sea." Names are not being released as all individuals are minors. Police are asking convenience store clerks to check for ID when people under 18 try to buy eggs.

Cooper Anderson reporting.

Ball Cruncher Back For Round Two

Above: Eric "Badlands"Booker, at what appears to be a rib event

This morning E=MC2, AkA Funk Master Flex, AKA Crazy Sausage Man, AKA The salty Ball Cruncher, announced that he will be coming out of retirement for the 2006 season. Inspired by Sonya Thomas (the Black Widow) and her 10 pounds of meatballs in 12 minutes, The Ball Cruncher begins his training. After a humiliating loss in July at the Salty Ball Championships in Wildwood, NJ., in which the Black Widow cleaned the floor with the competition, The Ball Cruncher went into seclusion in the foothills of the Southern New Jersey, living off berries and fries that fell through the boardwalk cracks. He eventually got a job with the state, his life back on track and is "Hungry and Focused." -Eric "Badlands" Booker. With 22 grand in prize money coming up the middle of January for Corned beef The Cruncher said to himself, Self, you have got to get your fat ass together and hit the deli.

Only the test of time with decide if the Cruncher will become a legend in the likes of Kobayashi and Crazy Legs Conti. Check out the Cruncers future appearances at www.ifoce.com. He will also be appearing at Pat's steaks in Philly, and Pep Boys in Audubon NJ. Long live the joy of gluttony.

Quote of the Week

Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity.

- Author Unknown

My cousin is getting married in 11 days. Not sure how I feel about that. I have been asking all the classic questions, some to him and many to myself. Do you still love her? (they have been together for 9 years). Are men and woman supposed to be with one person for their entire lives, or is that a silly social construction (most animals do not)? Are there such things as soul mates? If so, what are the chances they live in the same town you grew up in? What if my soul mate is in Gruzuf, Ukraine? Just some random thoughts I need to sort out between now and 2012, (the date I told my girlfriend I would concider marriage).

A Proud Son

Check out what my Dad did. He was the Founder and Pioneer of Wasatch Commons. It is currently the only Cohousing living situation in Utah. He had a vision and he followed it. Not a bad lesson for a son to learn. www.econ.utah.edu/coho